“If we want people to fully show up at the workplace, we need to create a culture where people feel heard, cared for and connected. Psychological safety makes it possible to have tough conversations and trust and respect for each other. The benefits of having a place to belong include increased productivity, creativity, and innovation.” Brené Brown Education and Research Group

There’s no crying in baseball …or the office

Take out the emotion. That’s the common wisdom when it comes to work, and I learned it early on. I was never very good at it, but when I was beginning my career, no alternatives existed.

So, when at work, I focused on work. My persona, with the emotions taken out, interacted with the people I worked with. She was the construct I had created, what I thought, was the acceptable version of me to have a career in business. It worked for a while. I was dubbed an “A-player” by my male bosses and given promotions. I worked tirelessly to achieve more, be more. Be like those I was surrounded by daily.

It was long after the Don Draper era where people denied emotions completely and managed by openly self-medicating with a decanter in every executive’s office. And, it was a decade before any conversation around mental health in the workplace. It was the time of Obama, Osama Bin Laden, a recession caused by greedy bankers, climate change awareness, and the introduction of social media and smartphones. There was so much changing, yet this big thing that no one talked about.

Technology causes connection and disconnection

It was the final crossover period from analog to total digital. I had a laptop and a Blackberry and could work from anywhere. With Facebook, I could keep in touch with friends from all over the world. After my niece was born in London, UK, I could Skype with my sister every day so it felt as though I knew this little person without ever having actually met her. It was amazing. Technology was advancing at breakneck speed and enabling so much connection. And yet, so much disconnection.

Being able to work from anywhere, any time meant never really shutting off. It’s hard to rest when your mind is constantly spinning. Waking up feeling like I was already behind and never getting ahead. Working on my own, in isolation much of the time because I could. Because I was tired and it took too much energy to pretend to be upbeat and happy all the time which was the other version of me I had created.

Something felt off.

Anxiety creeps in

It came on slowly. The tightening in the chest became more pronounced, more noticeable more often. I could no longer just “push through it.” I could no longer deny that only bringing my persona was crippling my innate creativity and fostering my fears of being an imposter.

Humans are hardwired for connection. Like water, food, and air we need to connect with other beings. To do that, to really do that, you can’t be a persona. You have to bring your whole self. I’m not saying you can bring everything that’s going on in your life into work and lay it out on the table. That is self-indulgent and not productive. But it is OK to say sometimes, “I’m not really OK today. But I showed up and I’m doing my best.”

Wholehearted Living

Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living are as follows:

1. Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think
2. Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism
3. Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty
6. Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison
7. Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth
8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness and Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
9. Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed-To
10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance. And Letting Go of Cool and Always in Control

I haven’t mastered this but wholeheartedness is my goal and I’m working toward it.

It may scare the crap out of some people. On the other hand, it may just give them the permission to say it too the next time they feel that way. It may just open up a workplace that is more empathetic which can’t help but create that connectivity we so need to be successful.

Also read: Bring Your Whole Self from my 40-Before-40 Series