Why The Strachan Hartley Legacy Foundation SHLF Run Means so Much

Me and my running buddy finishing the 5K SHLF Run in 2018 when she was 5 years old.

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving. I have so much to be grateful for that it’s overwhelming at times. I know how blessed I am. Not everyone gets to sit down and feast with loved ones, and not everyone has people believing in them so fiercely that they know mountains would be moved to help them achieve their potential.

I have always known that food, family, and opportunities existed for me. My legs, my lungs, and my will are strong. So for those reasons, I will take part in the Strachan Hartley Legacy Foundation (SHLF) run today to raise money for Streetfront. Today we will do it virtually. You can too: https://www.shlf.ca/

The Hartley Family

I didn’t know Strachan Hartley very well. I mean I knew who he was, everyone at my high school did, but he was a year older than me and something of a Greek god. Sure, our paths crossed over the high school years, but more me watching football games on the sidelines or seeing him do laps as he crossed the stage to collect his awards at the end-of-year ceremonies annually.

I knew his sisters from gymnastics. Aimee-Noel was in one of my early pre-competitive groups. I was intimidated by her intensity. Blythe came along later at the same level as me but five years my junior and decidedly better than me. Also, intimidating. And finally, Mary Ann worked at the school and was someone in charge you respected and didn’t mess with. It was only later that I got to know Wyatt (and his lovely wife Vanessa) and Michael Hartley and learned of their admirable accomplishments as well combined with being just awesome-cool guys. The Hartleys are, and always have been, a force.

Strachan’s Story

I was part of the original group who responded to the call from the Hartleys to join them in starting the Strachan Hartley Foundation after Strachan passed away. Why did I want to put in my time to a fledgling organization for someone who, yes I admired, but I barely knew?

It was 2007 and social media was still new at the time (for timeline context, I think I still had an active MySpace account). Aimee-Noel was someone I had recently started following. I learned about Strachan’s battle with cancer and followed the story closely, sure that it would have a happy ending.

I mean, this guy always seemed like he was not a mere mortal: top athlete and student, now a medical doctor, a role model, and deeply loved by his beautiful wife, friends, and family. Aimee-Noel shared each step of the journey, all the way to his tragic passing. I couldn’t grasp how someone who had so much to offer to the world and had fought so hard to stay in it could be gone. It didn’t make sense to me, or anyone else following the heartbreaking story.

The First SHLF Run

So, when Aimee-Noel, one of the fiercest and empathetic humans I have ever met, asked for help to start a foundation in Strachan’s name, I jumped in headfirst.

We met in August and decided to do something to recognize Strachan’s birthday in October. The mission of The Foundation was, and still is, to help give youth the opportunity to reach their potential. A run seemed like a natural fit. It would be at our high school and we would invite everyone we knew. That’s all we knew about how to run a run.

Somehow, that first run came together by the skin of our teeth in just over two months. Talent and passion fueled this small but determined motley crew and the run was a huge success. One of Strachan’s best friends, a brilliant artist and graphic designer, quietly designed the routes, signs and pretty much everything else that needed designing.

Another friend, got everything from coffee to bananas donated from local supporting vendors. Someone else used their connections in the running world to secure participant bibs. We had no idea how many people would actually turn out on the day so underestimated the number of bibs we would need. At one point, one of the other founding members, Shannon, and I started ripping printer paper in half and writing random numbers with sharpies and handed out “bibs.”

No one minded. In fact, everyone who attended said they had an amazing time. We raised a ton of money and reached a huge group of what came to be incredibly loyal supporters. The run was an event that brought the community together in grief and created joy and appreciation for life.

The SHLF Run Legacy

It was the first time I had been a part of anything like this. Any volunteer stints I’d done in the past had been short-lived with limited emotional involvement. SHLF required me to stretch beyond my comfort zones, think outside the expected, and do it with people I really hadn’t known well previously. And it was the best thing I had ever done.

It wasn’t about me, and as the years went on, it wasn’t even about Strachan anymore. The Foundation was indeed making a difference in the lives of the kids at Streetfront, the organization we supported financially. Seeing firsthand that when kids have someone who believes in them and gives them a chance to show what is inside them, and most importantly when they feel seen, they begin to do great things.

Many of the “kids” from Streetfront are now in their 20s and 30s and making their own positive impact in the world. SHLF provides a significant amount of funding to Streetfront, allowing the program to operate and reach more young lives. Through Streetfront, we are taking small steps to make positive change that reverberates beyond self.

In the early days of SHLF, the supporters were all friends, family, and community members touched in some personal way by Strachan’s story and the Hartley family. Aimee-Noel knew we needed to make it about more to sustain the Foundation long-term. Her goal was to fulfill one of Strachan’s final wishes — to make his life more significant in his death.

How to Make a Difference, Even During a Pandemic

Now, 15 years later his legacy lives on through the Streetfront program. Yes, Hartley friends and family from that first run still come out every year but they are standing side by side with people who never met Strachan. In the case of the Streetfront kids, they may not even have been on the earth at the same time as Strachan. And yet, the run continues to build.

Through so many changes, including two years of a global pandemic when we can’t meet in person, the spirit of the run continues and is still changing lives. We have all been through a lot in the past 18 months, and there is a lot of frustration and desire to do something. To feel like we have some control over what is happening in the world.

For me, working with and supporting SHLF is one small way I can help because, as in the beginning 15 years ago, it is not about me. It is about what I can do to foster small positive change in even just one other person and know that there is a chance for that change to do the same for another person and another. It is how we make a difference.

Truth & Reconciliation in Canada: Reading, Listening, Learning

Today is National Day for Truth & Reconciliation in Canada. This is the first year that, as a country, we officially honour the Indigenous children who lived through the residential schools and remember those who never made it out. There were so many.

How do you begin to grasp the magnitude of all these children’s stories? As a mother, it is unthinkable to imagine someone taking my babies away. But think about we must to start the process of undoing the past. It can’t be done all at once, but we can start with one story.

Orange Shirt Day

Since 2013, September 30 has been Orange Shirt Day in Canada. Orange Shirt Day stemmed from the true story of Phyllis Webstad, a residential school survivor, and the orange shirt that her grandmother bought for her and she proudly wore when she was sent to a residential school.

Upon arrival at the school, the treasured orange shirt was taken away along with everything else that mattered to her. Orange shirt day honours Phyllis and every other Indigenous child who was taken from their family and stripped of their identity.

Phyllis’ story brought to light the unbearable reality of Indigenous children in Canada. The recognition of Orange Shirt Day started a dialog. It was one of the important catalysts for what is continuing to unravel today.

The Uncovering of the Big Truth

On May 27, 2021 the unmarked graves of 215 children were uncovered outside of a former residential school in Kamloops BC. In the following months, thousands more mass, unmarked graves were reported across Canada. It is with intention that I use the word “uncovered” not “discovered” as many news agencies have. As the Indigenous peoples have pointed out, they have always known that the graves existed. They just weren’t listened to.

It was a harsh awakening for the rest of Canada and a hard truth to accept. How do I even begin to address the questions my own kids were asking about what they were hearing? I couldn’t answer why. Shame swallowed me up as I realized I didn’t know more than the most basic facts about the residential school program.

I felt overwhelmed and wanted to do something, but this had been going on for a long, long time. It is still going on. Though residential schools are no longer operating in Canada (the last one only closed in 1997!!) the long-lasting damage of the horrors Indigenous children endured is still very much unresolved.

Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside (DTES) is home to many residential school survivors still searching for a way out of the nightmares. The trauma and feelings of abandonment and not belonging anywhere has led many survivors to find solace and community on the DTES streets.

I worked at a modern office adjacent to the DTES for several years. I saw many things that were hard to process. There was so much I didn’t know then and for that blind eye, I am sorry. It will take time to unravel, and probably never fully will. But I can try. I — everyone — can start with listening.

Education is the Path Toward Reconciliation

Education was the thing that got us into this mess; let’s use education to start turning it around. I decided to educate myself through stories. I take a deep breath as I admit how hard the stories are to hear and to read. Sometimes I had to pause and walk away to be able to come back and be able to absorb it all.

I listened to podcasts, the news, and audiobooks. I read non-fiction books and fiction-novels based on true stories. It has helped me come closer to understanding and helped me to know that I can never truly understand but I can listen. We all can listen.

Some of the books I read or have on my list to read include:

Adult Books

Five Little Indians, by Michelle Good
Beyond the Orange Shirt Story, by Phyllis Webstad
Johnny Appleseed, by Joshua Whitehead
From the Ashes, by Jesse Thistle
Braiding Sweetgrass, by Robin Wall Kimmerer

Children’s Books

The Orange Shirt Story: The True Story of Orange Shirt Day, by Phyllis Webstad
When We Were Alone, by David A. Robertson

There are many more stories out there that I want to take in. Stories have the power to take us into worlds we have not experienced nor likely ever will but can evoke the kind of raw emotions that can create systemic, lasting change. It starts with not talking. I am listening.

My Year (and a bit) in Audiobooks

Reading had always been so important to my sense of self. The feeling of holding a good book in your hands after you’ve just finished it is one of the most satisfying things in life. So, naturally, I was skeptical about trying audiobooks.

However, the busy life of a working mom had left me little energy and time to read at the end of the day as I used to. My commute downtown had always been a sense of frustration about the wasted time. So, I decided to fill it with audiobooks.

I used to stress about being stuck in traffic but now I just listen to an audiobook and let the rain pour down and crawl across town in my car and come home calm. Audiobooks have fed my need to learn and desire to use my time to the max. So after a year, here are the books I’ve consumed and what I thought of them.

Girl, Stop Apologizing By Rachel Hollis

This book was great. We are always apologizing, aren’t we? This book was good for helping me recognize this and stop it. Own what I want out of life and set goals to achieve it. The woman has four kids and managed to write this book. She shares her struggles and sacrifices and is very real about how it has not always easy street but it is worth it when you are actually living your best life.

Girl, Wash Your Face By Rachel Hollis

Read this one first but make sure you follow up with her follow up Girl, Stop Apologizing. Her voice is a bit annoying at first but you get used to it and actually start to feel closer to her stories because it’s so real. I liked this way more than I thought I would. I have heard her podcasts are pretty great too.

Becoming By Michelle Obama

As if I didn’t love the Obamas enough already. Michelle narrated my drive for a few cold weeks last February and I still feel the warmth it brought me. Beautifully told, this is a story of a woman’s struggle to find her place in the world. Her journey has not been what she thought it would be. But being open, finding out how to be open, to what opportunities were there for her beyond what she had set out for has led to a special and meaningful life. I have heard people say they were disappointed by this book. It is a slow climb. I really liked though and would recommend sticking with it. Her lessons will stick with you.

You Do You By Sarah Knight

This is Sarah Knight’s third book after How to Get Your Shit Together, and The Power of Not Giving a Fuck. I am pleased that this book is read by the author, as I always am, but her sardonic humor can get to be a bit much. Despite this, I do like this book and recommend listening. It is great for reinforcing something that I really need practice with – setting boundaries with people and being OK without getting positive reinforcements from others.

Don’t listen to this while carpooling – profanity is used throughout and she quite obviously does not have kids and does not like them. Overlook that though and listen on your own and giggle.

First We Make the Beast Beautiful By Sarah Wilson

This is not a self-help book. It is more of a confessional narrative about her ups and downs of her life with anxiety and finding peace with the fact that it will always be there next to her. It is about learning to be and losing the feeling that you need to be ashamed or find a way to suppress your anxiety. It is there; it probably always will be and will bring with it some limits to what you can or should do. But it doesn’t have to stop you. In fact, it can even be an asset.

Audiobooks I Have Re-Listened To

Braving the Wilderness By Brene Brown

This was my Brene Brown introduction. Loved it so much that I listened to it again – the whole thing – a year later. Still so good. The path to wholehearted living is not the one that everyone else has travelled. It’s about not being small. Being who you are and letting other people see it.

Dare To Lead By Brene Brown

Every time I consume a Brene Brown book I think it is my favorite. This is no exception. I have listened and re-listened to parts of it to write down the good parts. Which started turning into most of it. Read by Brene as she always does, this book reinforces what you have learned and helps with both personal and work. It is so good.

Daring Greatly By Brene Brown

I really liked this one while listening but to be honest, couldn’t remember the details from it separate from her other books. I had to re-listen and I’m glad I did. It breaks down shame and the importance of setting boundaries. “If we own the story, we get to control the ending.” It also goes into men and shame and how they experience it differently. This is a game-changer to understand in our relationships.

Rising Strong By Brene Brown

I think this is my second favorite Brene Brown book but I love them all so tanking them feels more like an exercise in testing the Recency Effect. It is all about being facedown in the arena. I remind myself all the time that daring greatly will always mean you will find yourself facedown in the arena. Those in the cheap seats will always judge, but they don’t matter because they didn’t even try. After you get up and dust yourself off, you will learn to rise strong. You will own your story, even the ugly and messy parts.

Audiobooks I Didn’t Finish

Take Control of Your Life By Mel Robbins

There are good parts about this book but it’s mostly pre-recorded sessions with her coaching people out of their negative thinking that is keeping them stuck. I didn’t love the format and found her a bit annoying to listen to at times. But the big takeaway is that fear is felt in your body. It gets triggered and puts you on a repeating loop for how that fear has made you behave in the past which is what’s keeping you from moving forward with your life. Overall, overrated IMO.

Mindset

I believe this could be a life-changing book. However, I could not listen to it. It is not read by the author and sounds like a robot reading. Read this one the old fashioned way.

The Path Made Clear “By” Oprah Winfrey

This was the most disappointing one on the list. I had such high hopes but it wasn’t really by Oprah at all. It was a compilation of audio clips by other famous people. Yes, she read the intro and conclusion and some bits in-between but it was not enough that I can say this was what I was expecting.

A New Year

I’m currently listening to Love Warrior by Glennon Melton Doyle. I read the actual book a few years ago, but am now consuming the audio version. I hadn’t noticed in the physical book, but as she reads it the words feel like poetry. Not sure if that was intentional but it does make it even more powerful. Highly recommend so far.

Next up is Educated – A Memoir by Tara Westover. I’m thinking I might try mixing things up a bit more and listening to fiction this year as well. Stay tuned for updates!

Honour Thy Mother (24)

Whenever I run into someone who I haven’t seen in awhile, inevitably they ask, “How’s your mom?” I find myself more and more filling with pride when I say, “She’s amazing.” She is constantly defying age and has twice the energy of many people much younger than her. It’s no big deal at all to my two kids plus my niece and nephew for the day or even a sleepover. We depend on her so much to not only be the biggest part of our village in helping raise our kids, but for her advice, support and fierce love.

When I was a teenager she was definitely not my friend; she was my mother and she took her role seriously. Back then, if you told me that in a few years I would be asking for her opinion on everything from clothing to relationships I would have laughed. But she most definitely is my friend today.

There isn’t enough space here to talk about all the things I have learned from her. I learn from her example pretty much every day. And I’m so incredibly grateful to be able to call her my mother.

Try Something New (33)

Sometimes it works out when you try something new. Today I had egg wrapped in bacon dipped in tempura. It was as delicious as it sounded.

Sometimes it doesn’t work out so well (not everything is going to be such a sure bet) – I once ate sheep stomach soup in Spain that I can never untaste.

I used to be, let’s say, very selective about what I would eat. Branching out of what I knew I liked just didn’t happen. It was a conscious effort to get over my preconceptions a lot of the time, and now many of the things you couldn’t have paid me to eat are some of my favourites.

Whether it’s food or travel (a topic for another post) or paragliding or something else, there is something innately exhilarating about not always doing things exactly as you always have. It truly is the only way to be an interesting person. And we owe it, not only to ourselves, but to those around us who we love to keep being an interesting person.

Finding Balance (34)

It’s still technically summer, but it feels like Fall. With lessons/activities in full swing again, it is back to routine time.

My 4 year old daughter started going to gymnastics at the same club where I trained as a girl. I had mixed feelings; my own experiences there had been good and bad. Good, in that much of my childhood was dedicated to being the best I could be at the sport I loved and this place is dedicated to excelling. Bad, in that it was so focused on competition, that it was hard on a young girl’s developing sense of self.

My daughter had her mind set on going where her cousin goes and where mommy went. She’s in the recreational program so it is still supposed to be about fun. After the first day, she said it was much harder than where she used to go. I considered pulling her out. I want to protect her but I also want her to have the opportunity to challenge herself. I can’t let my experiences stop her from having her own experiences.

My daughter is not me. She’s so much like me that I have to remind myself of that. She is her own person and I can guide her and listen to her, but I need to be very careful to not stop her from trying something just because something was not entirely positive for me. This is not easy. She was a part of me, literally. But she’s not a baby anymore (😢) and it’s about finding the balance between helping her learn how to make the right decisions when appropriate and stepping in to make the decisions for her when necessary.

Rebuilding Your Life After a Setback

My doctor looked at me and sighed. “There is no prescription for this. No shortcuts through the swamp. But you will make it out.” I respected this woman immensely. She was speaking to me after the major relationship breakup I was still reeling from in my mid-twenties. She had been through a divorce a few years earlier so her words were backed by experience, her empathy cloaked in the knowledge of someone who had made it through the swamp.

Sliding Doors Moments

Anyone who grew up in the ’90s may also remember the Gwenyth Paltrow movie Sliding Doors. Anyone? A brief recap: One day Helen is fired from her job and when she goes to catch her train two scenarios happen. The first she gets on the train and comes home to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman. She dumps him, finds a new man, a new career, and makes her life awesome. In the second, she misses the train and arrives home after the woman has left but becomes suspicious of her cad boyfriend and gradually her life becomes more miserable.

Yep, there is a generation of us who refer to these as “sliding doors moments.” The “what if?” can drive you crazy but sometimes when you look back you think, “Man, that was a shite time. But look at what happened because of it. And look at what could have happened if I’d continued to hang on to mediocrity because at least I knew what it was.”

Buck the Slide Into Resignation

The temptation to hang onto a mediocre existence is real. Despite the pull, you may feel toward something else, something more often – too often – gets dulled by the human condition for comfort and control. The problem is that when deep down, or not so deep down, you know there is a more for you and you don’t go after it you become miserable and it can get very difficult to find the motivation to pull yourself out of the rut. Stay too long in the rut and you lose that faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

One of my first jobs was working at a publishing company. I was a young and eager marketing coordinator full of life and possibility. However, I remember very clearly a middle-aged woman who was probably once quite pretty but now wore a hollow, blank expression and her pants a little too short. She never smiled, but she never got angry. She was just there, doing her job in accounts payable and left exactly at 5:00 every day. She had lost the glow to the mediocre and the resigned expression gave away the sadness that hid below. There are so many people like this. Resignation is the antithesis of light.

Let Rock Bottom Provide Direction

Fast-forward to the present. I did survive the ending of a relationship that I had thought was my forever. Not only did I survive, but I also thrived. I rebuilt my life by keeping my focus forward and not getting too far ahead of myself. One foot in front of the other and before I knew it the mess and muck that I had been stuck in was far, far behind me. Not only that, the path I had taken since then would not have happened if it had not been for that time. Had I not hit rock bottom, I may have just kept floating aimlessly in, what turned out to be, the wrong direction.

Still unconvinced? Well then take it from someone who has enjoyed undeniable success after encountering major setbacks: Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life. J.K. Rowling

Also, read this blog post to learn more about how to Survive Disappointment.

Shooting for the Stars vs Holding Steady

“She understood that the hardest times in life to go through were when you were transitioning from one version of yourself to another.” Sarah Addison Allen

I have a best friend who is also my husband, two amazing (although sometimes exhausting) kids, and a house in the area I want to live. Except for a few creaky joints from old running injuries and carrying big babies, my physical health is great. I have a career that I am proud of and creative pursuits that I am working towards. Life is pretty good.

Is this it? Is this the pinnacle and it is all downhill from here as they say? Now that I am in a place that I dreamed of and worked so hard for, have I reached the end of my choose-your-own-adventure story? In a way, it is the end of the wondering, but it not the end of the adventure.

When I was in my early teens, I spent summers at my friend Sarah’s cabin. Walking on the beach dreaming of what we would be, who we would marry, what our lives would be like when we grew up. Longing to start making our own decisions and be in charge of our lives. I’m sure many can relate to this and also my desire to go back to my 14-year-old self and tell her to slow down.

As a child, so much of your life is unknown. It is full of possibilities. Then slowly you make choices, you settle into routines and accept who you are.

Do you ever get to the point where you can truly feel that you know where you are where you should be? Should you actually want that? For some, the restless souls, that seems like a terribly boring state to be in. For others, stability is the ultimate goal in life.

Maybe there is another option too though.

Most of us are actually moving in and out of adventurous stages into stability phases to get grounded and strong enough again to strike out on another adventure. The old metaphor of life being a roller coaster makes sense, but I think it is more like that ride that starts off going up slowly then all of a sudden shoots up so fast to the top you can’t even see straight. Then it takes you down slowly again. Only to do it all over again.

How I got here though, the people I have met along the way who have influenced and inspired me, the places I have seen and the things I have felt still feel like a surprise to me when I think back on the journey. I’m a planner so there were times along the way where I had to completely change course and go a different direction which was super scary but allowing myself to be open to opportunities and trusting myself that I would find a good path got me to where I am.

The Journey Begins

That feeling I got when I clicked confirm to start this site. Warm, goosbumpy in a good way and a smile that I just couldn’t hold back. This is right. Writing is right. For me.

Why has it taken me so long? I have been considering starting a blog for over ten years. That is a long time. My excuse was always lack of time. I call BS. Now, with two kids and a house to maintain and all the responsibilities that go with them, when I look back at my twenty-something and ever early thirty something self I am astounded that I could ever say I had a no time. I had all the time in the world.

No. More likely what was keeping the me from writing was fear. Fear of not being good enough or not having the “right” things to say. Life is short, I have things to say and now, at 40 really don’t care about approval from others on my thoughts and words. I have things to say and I am going to share them. So I hope you join me on this journey, and if you have something to add to the story please share with me too.

“Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god. ”

― Aristotle, Politics

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