Kids – Perspectively Yours

Grocery Shopping During a Pandemic

I had to go get groceries last night. We are stocked up on non-perishables but needed fresh fruit and vegetables. I normally enjoy grocery shopping. Weirdly a lot. My husband gets frustrated at how long it takes me to “pick up a few items” (especially when I luxuriously don’t have the kids with me).

I like the process of systematically checking off items on my list, deciding whether I want a bunch of small bananas or long bananas, which protein appeals to me – seafood, chicken, meat? Those are things I can’t do shopping online. However, online had been my go-to lately given what’s happening in the world but was unable to.

I had tried to order online with my normal local supermarket but they don’t have any available pick-up times for a month and the other one was over a two-week wait. So I was in Safeway taking one for the team.

I waited until 7:30 pm hoping it wouldn’t be busy at that time. I was right, it wasn’t but those of us who were there were wearing gloves, trying to smile in distanced solidarity but also side-eyeing each other suspiciously and generally, all looked like we were holding our breath.

I hated every second of being there.

When I got in the car I wiped my hands thoroughly and took off my jacket and gloves and put it in a plastic bag. When I got home I left my boots outside and wiped down everything before bringing them in the house. I took a shower and cried.

Grieving the Everyday Things I Took For Granted

Trying to explain this awful feeling I had to my husband I struggled. What exactly was it that was making me feel so horrible? It wasn’t just the fear of catching the virus. Or the fact that all the shelves that normally hold sugar and flour were bare (it seems baking supplies are the new toilet paper). It was the loss of doing something I normally enjoyed and now dreaded. Of feeling vulnerable and so conscious of my presence in the world and being uncomfortable with it.

That feeling, my friends, is grief.

This Harvard Business Review article helped put it into perspective and make me feel like it wasn’t just me feeling it right now.

“We feel the world has changed, and it has. We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way, and we realize things will be different. Just as going to the airport is forever different from how it was before 9/11, things will change and this is the point at which they changed. The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.”

Naming it does help. And accepting that there is a loss. I feel myself moving through the stage of grief and watching my kids as they do too. There have been moments of pure joy at being able to spend more time together as a family and not having to rush and stick to strict daily routines. There have also been some epic meltdowns at not being able to play with friends, hug Nanna, or go very far away from home.

Finding Meaning in Loss and Social Distancing

What also helps is finding meaning out of all this. My daughter gave me an idea after she and my son spontaneously burst into a rendition of “Some of My Favourite Things” from The Sound of Music (a live show we attended just a few months ago which now seems like a memory from a different time). So here are our lists of things we didn’t know we cared so much about but miss, and things we didn’t notice before we were forced to slow down.

Things I Don’t Miss:

Commuting downtown
Rushing around to different activities
Being mentally exhausted all the time
Missing my kids all day
Feeling like I’m not doing enough
FOMO

Things we took for granted and miss:

Eating in restaurants
Sushi!
Picking out library books
Hugging loved ones
Touching our faces
Playing with friends
Learning in a classroom
Dinner parties
Movie theatres/live theatre/concerts
Rec-center swimming pools
Vacations/travel
Skiing
Ballet class

Things we didn’t notice/have time for before we were forced to stay home:

At-home yoga/exercise is fantastic!
Living room dance parties are so much fun
Cooking/Baking together and experimenting with new recipes
Bike riding every day with no destination or plan
Building forts outside with blankets and chairs
Discovering new trails and secret fairy hideaways in the forest
Talking to neighbours that normally have only noticed in passing
There are so many crafts you can make with empty egg cartons
Dried acrylic paint chunks make beautiful artwork
Sidewalk chalk messages of love and hope
Writing stories together and illustrating them
Our family and our health is the most important thing

This list will keep growing. I’m determined to keep looking on the bright side, while also acknowledging the losses. The balance of both is essential, I believe, to coming through this time not only intact but possibly stronger.

What are your favorite things today? In this together apart.

Read more about Social Distancing with Kids in this post.

“Doesn’t this only work if we all hunker down?” ~ Gillian Behnke, Founder Momcamp

That was the question I saw this morning on my Facebook feed with respect to social-distancing. The answer is, unequivocally, yes. (Watch this video for a great visual representation of social distancing and how Covid-19 is spread.) However, since before quite recently, I’m not sure most people in Canada had ever heard the term.

So, it makes sense that there are a lot of questions surrounding what social distancing actually means. Yes, I get it as a concept but when put into context there are so many little decisions we are having to make each day for things that we never thought about before. I don’t have the answers; I’m figuring it out as I go like everyone else. But here are some situations I’ve encountered that might help you understand how others are interpreting what social distancing really means. It’s just one mom’s perspective.

For official advice and recommendations visit the Public Health Agency of Canada or the CDC (Center for Disease Control).

What to Do With Your Kids When Practicing Social Distancing

We had a family meeting this morning and made a list of all the things we could do to have fun and stay safe and healthy and respectful of our community. Here’s our list. Maybe it can help inspire one that works for your family:

Clean house
Play tennis
Bake cookies and cakes
Big hikes
Bike ride
Get backyard ready for summer
Build a fort
Paint pictures
FaceTime family
Play outside (in the back yard)

Social Distancing in Public Spaces

Yesterday I had to go to the pharmacy at the mall to pick up a prescription. I saw someone I knew and out of habit took a step closer to say hi. Then I remembered the new normal and took a step back. Was I too close? What was too close? Do I even know what a two-meter distance is at a glance? (The answer is about three arm lengths).

Here is what the BC Center for Disease Control Recommends.

Social Distancing at Playgrounds

(Updated on March 17 – things have changed a lot since I wrote this. Playgrounds are no longer recommended unless you are the only ones there.)

This is a tough one. I have been avoiding playgrounds for the last week. The thing is, they are probably just fine as long as the kids aren’t crammed into one small space like a playhouse or sharing a swing. They are outdoors for one thing which allows the virus to not settle for too long. Also, kids move so fast that they never spend enough time in one spot that they are likely fine. You may have the urge to wipe down the entire playground equipment with Lysol wipes first (if you have any). If that is important to your peace of mind, the power to you. You could also just wash your kids’ hands before, after and during the playground time. Up to you.

Kids’ Birthday Parties

Two five-year-olds I know that were scheduled to have birthday parties today. One got canceled, the other went ahead but with an abundance of hand sanitizer. Is one decision better than the other? Small group gatherings have not been banned so a child’s birthday party in the family home with eight children and their parents should be fine. Right? There is no guideline for this. It is a judgment call.

Most likely, this is totally fine. But I would think many parents would not be comfortable with having their kids attend any gathering at this point. Not necessarily because they are afraid of getting sick, but because the whole point of social distancing is to work together to limit the transaction of the virus.

Spring Break Day Camps for Kids

I unenrolled my kids in the local recenter day camps they were supposed to attend next week during Spring Break. It would seem a bunch of other parents did the same because there are suddenly tons of openings in camps that had been full since November. But, I noticed pretty quickly that the spot I had made available for my daughter’s camp got filled. I could make that choice (despite only getting 50% of my money back) because my husband and I are lucky enough to be able to work from home. Not everyone has that option and were depending on day camps to be able to work so they can continue putting food on the table and a roof over the kids’ heads.

Everyone is doing the best they can. Judgment doesn’t help anyone. If you need to put your kids into childcare, if it is still open, so that you can continue to make ends meet that is what you have to do. Just talk to your kids about handwashing and ensure the facility is taking an abundance of caution to keep facilities clean and keep the kids away from public spaces.

How to Talk to Your Kids about COVID-19 (Coronavirus)

I first had to think about how to talk to my kids about Coronavirus in January when we were at Cost-co and they noticed people wearing masks on their faces.

They are your children and you know your unique family dynamics better than anyone. I think being honest without scaring them too much is the key.

Don’t overwhelm them with too much information. They need to know the truth but only in tiny clips. Keep the explanations clear and simple. Kids live in black and white reality most of the time so try not to be vague.

Try to keep it fun. You can also play handwashing games like singing their favourite songs while hand washing or making up a story about each corner of your hand.

It is an opportunity to teach and show empathy. Tell them about how you can help or about how others are helping neighbours and friends during this time. Talk about how the world is cooperating and coming together. My daughter asked, “even bad people?” I said, I would like to believe every single person is doing what they can for their families, communities, and humankind.

The CDC also has some recommendations on how to talk to kids about what is happening with COVID-19 and why our normal life routines have changed.

The bottom line, kids will take in how you react more than what you say. We are modeling for them, and perhaps imprinting for their life, how to handle a crisis. Remain calm, reassuring but vigilant about handwashing and cleanliness.